As much as I would love to pretend I am one of those motivated girls who gets up at 5 in the morning to exercise, eats healthily all the time, and lives a ‘pretty cool Instagram life’, I really am not. While I regularly have weeks where I decide to try and be that person, I never end up maintaining this simply because it is not a realistic goal to set. By no means am I saying that it should not be done because hell yeah if you can motivate yourself to get out of bed in the early hours of the morning, pre-prep all your meals and stay awake during a day of work then why not! However, I want to show this community how it is possible to change your mental health around by slightly changing your lifestyle. For me, this is far more preferable than attempting to take on the persona of someone who I am not.

Last academic year was an extremely difficult time for me mentally and as a result I had completely stopped exercising. Even with the availability of a £180 membership at the University gym, I would say I only exercised about 4 times. This phase of inactivity probably extended from October through to April time when I had my exam revision period. During this time, I began to start exercising. I was mainly doing this as a form of procrastination rather than through motivation or a desire to change. As horrible as a 30 minute run can be, it seemed a lot better than sitting in my room feeling unbearably anxious. So that is how my relationship with exercise restarted; as an anxiety avoidance and procrastination method.

Pre-exam period I had begun going on runs every day. While they were fairly short runs (30 minutes or so), they released endorphins, raised my mood and gave a purpose to my day. Most days I would also do a home workout with my brother involving glutes and ab work. There were definite positives to this increase in exercise, mainly being that it brought my mood up. However, this adrenalin rush I got post-exercise was only short-lived and I would swiftly return back to my low mood. While the exercise certainly helped me get through each day, it morphed into a distraction method to deal with all my problems. Rather than utilising exercise in a positive way, I was doing it to escape my worries.

Everything began to get a whole lot better during mid-May. At this point, I had deferred my exams, started on medication for my OCD and begun CBT sessions. Through talking to my counsellor, I began to understand that exercise should be something I enjoyed where I could let my mind be free and calm. It was at this point that I realised I was using exercise in the wrong way. While I was passionate about fitness and knew it made me feel better, exercise was mainly there as an escape-method. Once I had become aware of this, I became far more focused on the positive aspects of exercise. I would go on a run, and try to focus on my breathing while appreciating the settings surrounding me; I would do a home workout and feel my abdominal muscles tensing as I focused on my core; I started group exercise sessions with my mum. All of these were helpful and so much fun! I would highly recommend looking around to see if you can find a studio near you that offers fitness classes. Luckily for me, there was a great deal in a studio near my home and at University I go to a gym which offers classes that are included in their membership price. I would highly recommend going to a yoga or pilates class. As well as physically, these classes are mentally challenging and allow you to develop breathing techniques that can be utilised during mindfulness. Personally, I found that it was a great form of therapy to relieve my anxiety and force my focus into the present. Over the next couple of months, I managed to change exercise into something I truly treasured and looked forward to.

While I am very aware that exercise is extremely beneficial to my mental health, I am mindful that this is very hard to maintain. I know that I certainly go through stages with exercise, sometimes thoroughly enjoying it and other times wishing it wasn’t a part of my life. I am still working on developing a lifestyle where exercise is completely ingrained as part of my daily schedule, just like having an evening meal would be. However, this is a long-term goal and it is very understandable to be motivated one week and uninterested the next. For me, my main goal is to utilise exercise to mentally help me get stronger and this is exactly what Muscle Mind is all about. We are not trying to say that everyone should do exercise 5 times per week, nor are we saying that this is a bad thing! We are simply trying to create a community and raise awareness of the idea that exercise is a fundamental factor in recovery. We want to create a place that encourages and helps people to utilise exercise even when they are in their darkest moments. I myself am also very aware that over-exercising is a common problem especially in those with a mental illness and we at Muscle Mind want to make sure we help you use exercise in the right way to maximise your recovery.

MENtalhealth meets Movember

My Male Mind and Me

Food, emotions and your relationship with yourself

The Oppressive Sound of Silence

Coping at University

Positive bikini prep

The mental race

Meditation in motion

Gym hunt

How exercise helps me

Ella Denham

@​MyMuscleMind #StrengthNotStigma

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@MyMuscleMind #StrengthNotStigma